Self-Destructive Behaviour During Lockdown

Hey There Lovelies,

During this lockdown period I’ve found myself slipping deeper and deeper into self destructive behaviour. I didn’t mean to let it happen, I don’t think anybody does and you don’t realise you’re sinking till you’re at the bottom of the pit. 

But let’s face it. Lockdown, quarantine, covid-19, this whole pandemic is new to us. My generation has never experienced this level of restriction. I’m unable to work, as all the theatres have been shut down during lockdown, as well as the gyms… so I’m hella unemployed right now. And the future isn’t looking too bright for my industry either. So day by day, week by week, my positive outlook on this situation has been diminishing.

And it was only until last week that I realised I was engaging in self-destructive behaviour without knowing it. So from this day on, I’m going to work at eradicating these behaviours. So let me tell you what I’ve been doing, because maybe you’re doing it too.

  1. Sleeping in.

Look, since I’ve got no where to go, I’ve got little reason to actually get out of bed in the morning. When lockdown started I tried to wake up every morning and get in a workout. But my bedtimes eventually got later and later (sometimes staying up till 4AM!) and this resulted in me sleeping in every single day. Waking up with the better part of the day behind me and little motivation to get anything done or start anything new because the day was basically over anyways.

2. Not Getting Dressed.

I’m embarrassed to admit that I have spent the better part of lockdown in pyjamas, unless I was getting dressed to workout, I stayed in my PJs all day. I thought, “What the hell, I can still be productive in PJs! And at least I’ll be comfortable.” But it’s a trap. Not getting dressed in the morning makes me think I can relax in bed or on the couch all day and it makes me reluctant to actually do something. So I chill, in PJs and accomplish nothing. Fun.

But today, I got dressed, just into a tracksuit pants and comfy top and I put on a bra, and what a difference it made! With my boobs out of the way, I could conquer any task before me: I did the dishes, scrubbed the kitchen from top to bottom, did the washing, cleaned my room and sorted through the pile of clothes on “the chair”, I edited and uploaded a youtube video, did some yoga and now I’m sitting here writing a blog post. That’s a win for me.

3. Endlessly Scrolling Social Media

My phone battery is dying so much faster these days because I literally never put my phone down. I open Instagram, watch a few stories, switch to twitter, scroll the feed, check the Facebook Timeline, then flip back to Instagram. It’s an endless cycle and it’s affecting me negatively.

Being unemployed during this time, it’s triggering to see people working from home and able to still make money during this time, it’s a silly thing to be triggered by but it really has been affecting me. Besides that, when you’re locked in your apartment all day, you’re more affected by what people post, I see girls who are getting thinner during lockdown, and I think to myself “I’m not working out hard enough” or people cooking and I’m like, “Damn I wish I could cook like this person.” 

It’s a constant cycle of comparing myself to people online and when you’re not putting your phone down during the day, it can take it’s toll on your mental health and well-being. Put the phone down. Give yourself 1-2 hours a day where you avoid social media completely. You’ll feel better.

4. Not Setting Goals for The Day and Setting a Routine

My routine has really gone out the window during this lockdown. And I am someone who flourishes in routine, routine keeps me balanced and stops me from losing my damn mind. And now that I have lost my routine completely I am very close to losing my mind. Since I don’t have to go to work, or get to the gym, or go on coffee dates or attend meetings or rehearsals, my life has kind of lost it’s purpose. But what can I do?

So I’m starting small, everyday I’m setting one goal for myself- I tried it today and what I realised is that once I complete one task, I’m in the mood to complete another and before I knew it, I accomplished everything I mentioned above. So tomorrow I will do the same thing, and the next day, until this lockdown is over.

5. Feeling Sorry for Myself

The four behaviours above have lead to one thing for me: A giant pity party. I’ve been feeling extremely sorry for myself and the more I try not to feel sorry for myself, the more I do. There are so many posts that say you shouldn’t feel bad if you’re not achieving anything during this time so I used that as an excuse to give myself a bit of a break. But that doesn’t work for me, It just ends up in me, wallowing in self-pity and it’s not a good look sis. I’m done feeling sorry for myself. It ends today.

So those are just 5 of the self-destructive behaviours I’ve caught myself indulging in during this lockdown period. I’m sure I have many others, but these are the one’s I’m working on for now, to ensure that I’m taking care of my mental and physical health. 

I hope you’re all keeping safe and healthy during this time. Stay out of trouble and stay indoors.

x

Nadine

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